Dear Mr. Man…

April 9, 2009

Fatherhood Friday: “I Don’t Know”

Filed under: Fatherhood Fridays,Uncategorized — P. J. Easter @ 10:07 pm
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One Saturday morning (you pick which one), when Adi and I are sleeping in, I hear a ruckus downstairs in the great room. As I rush downstairs to see what’s going on, I hear J.C. yelling at the top of his lungs, “Get up! I was there first!” Now Adi is coming behind me as Bae screams back, “Let me go! Now!” fatherhood-friday1

“What is going on?” I asked (okay, technically I did ask a question. That’s not how it came across, I’m sure. To the kids, it probably sounded more like a roar).

The Boy and Bae start to speak simultaneously, creating a foreign language to this day I cannot decipher without saying the magic phrase:
“STOP IT! One at a time! Bae, tell me what’s going on.”
Bae begins to tell her version as The Boy objects to the way she’s telling it and a verbal duel ensues. I say the magic phrase again and begin my investigation.

ME: “Bae, what happened?”

Bae: “J.C. is tryin’ to make me get up from this seat.”

J.C.: “I was there first!”

ME: “Is that true, Bae?”

Bae says sullenly, “Yes.”

ME: “So why did you take The Boy’s seat?”

And here it comes. The moment my kids temporarily lose all of their common sense…

Bae looks me in the eyes and says, “I don’t know…”

ME: “What do you mean you don’t know? You took his chair, didn’t you?”

Bae: “Yes.”

Me: “You were present when this happened, right?”

Bae: “Yes.”

Me: “So, again, sweetie, tell me why did you take J.C.’s seat?”

Bae: “I don’t know.”

This is where I have the Charlie Brown moment. You know the one when Lucy pulls the football he’s trying to kick from under his feet? AUUUGGGHHH!!!!!

Adi just smiles because she knows I’m getting a taste of what she gets all of the time.

Mr. Man

Sexual Healing

Filed under: Marriage & Relationships,Uncategorized — P. J. Easter @ 4:59 am
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Q: Dear Mr. Man:

It has been several months since my husband and I have made love. She always tells me that he is tired or not in the mood. This makes me moody and frustrated. Please help.

A: I have been following posts on New York City Moms and on Dad-Blogs about an episode of  The Oprah stk60811corWinfrey Show that aired this week. My buddy, NYCity Mama, wrote a post about this show. The show was called, “The Truth About Motherhood”. According to Oprah, this was a “judgement-free” zone where mothers could admit their likes and dislikes about motherhood. Some of the dislikes that were mentioned were bodily fluids, toy explosions, and not being in “the mood” as  much anymore. It is the last point that I want to address. Very plainly. Very clearly.

Anyone who believes that a marriage can be strong and healthy without sex has lost their damn minds. Period.

There is one very famous “mom-blogger” who said on the show that she and her husband did not have sex for seven months after their child was born. She also said that intimacy is rubbing ankles as their 40-pound child sleeps between them. Sounds like some boundaries need to be set.

Here’s the deal. Men need initmacy from their wives. It is a reinforcement of the emotional commitment that he has made to his wife. It is also a way for men to communicate their love for his wife. Men are visual and physical creatures. It is why we are fascinated by the vivid colors on a high definition big screen, it is why we wrestle other guys, hand bump, and “noogie” our sons. Physicality is an extension of our emotions. Check out this poll on sex in marriage that my brother, E. Payne, recently conducted.

It is no different in the bedroom. The act of love making is an intimate connection to the soul of the woman God has blessed us with. It was intended for man and woman to share this intimacy in this very connected way. I am using the word “connected” in a very deliberate manner. This connection is obviously physical, but, when it is done right, there is a connection of heart and soul.

 The absence of intimacy creates another set of issues entirely. According to some religions, the cessation of sexual relations in a marriage is the functional termination of that marriage. Did you catch that, friends? The termination of your marriage. Wow, that’s so deep that I need to pause for a moment…

Okay, I’m back.  With the exception of being unable to be sexual with your spouse due to physical limitations, it is unnatural for a married couple to not be intimate with each other. Unfortunately, when intimacy is witheld in the marriage union, it is possible that sexual fulfillment will be sought outside of the home. Not cool. Marriages cease to be the celebration of life and love that they were created to be. They become traps and dens of deceptions. The smallest molehill of problems become as large as mountains when there is no intimacy in a marriage. People who withhold intimacy and wear it as a badge of honor need to man up. It’s time for healing. Sexual healing. Now stop reading and give your spouse a call. Peace.

Mr. Man

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