Mr. Man has moved to a new neighborhood. He can be found at www.dearmisterman.com. Please bookmark this new address. See you there!
April 19, 2009
April 9, 2009
One Saturday morning (you pick which one), when Adi and I are sleeping in, I hear a ruckus downstairs in the great room. As I rush downstairs to see what’s going on, I hear J.C. yelling at the top of his lungs, “Get up! I was there first!” Now Adi is coming behind me as Bae screams back, “Let me go! Now!”
“What is going on?” I asked (okay, technically I did ask a question. That’s not how it came across, I’m sure. To the kids, it probably sounded more like a roar).
The Boy and Bae start to speak simultaneously, creating a foreign language to this day I cannot decipher without saying the magic phrase:
“STOP IT! One at a time! Bae, tell me what’s going on.”
Bae begins to tell her version as The Boy objects to the way she’s telling it and a verbal duel ensues. I say the magic phrase again and begin my investigation.
ME: “Bae, what happened?”
Bae: “J.C. is tryin’ to make me get up from this seat.”
J.C.: “I was there first!”
ME: “Is that true, Bae?”
Bae says sullenly, “Yes.”
ME: “So why did you take The Boy’s seat?”
And here it comes. The moment my kids temporarily lose all of their common sense…
Bae looks me in the eyes and says, “I don’t know…”
ME: “What do you mean you don’t know? You took his chair, didn’t you?”
Me: “You were present when this happened, right?”
Me: “So, again, sweetie, tell me why did you take J.C.’s seat?”
Bae: “I don’t know.”
This is where I have the Charlie Brown moment. You know the one when Lucy pulls the football he’s trying to kick from under his feet? AUUUGGGHHH!!!!!
Adi just smiles because she knows I’m getting a taste of what she gets all of the time.
Q: Dear Mr. Man:
It has been several months since my husband and I have made love. She always tells me that he is tired or not in the mood. This makes me moody and frustrated. Please help.
A: I have been following posts on New York City Moms and on Dad-Blogs about an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show that aired this week. My buddy, NYCity Mama, wrote a post about this show. The show was called, “The Truth About Motherhood”. According to Oprah, this was a “judgement-free” zone where mothers could admit their likes and dislikes about motherhood. Some of the dislikes that were mentioned were bodily fluids, toy explosions, and not being in “the mood” as much anymore. It is the last point that I want to address. Very plainly. Very clearly.
Anyone who believes that a marriage can be strong and healthy without sex has lost their damn minds. Period.
There is one very famous “mom-blogger” who said on the show that she and her husband did not have sex for seven months after their child was born. She also said that intimacy is rubbing ankles as their 40-pound child sleeps between them. Sounds like some boundaries need to be set.
Here’s the deal. Men need initmacy from their wives. It is a reinforcement of the emotional commitment that he has made to his wife. It is also a way for men to communicate their love for his wife. Men are visual and physical creatures. It is why we are fascinated by the vivid colors on a high definition big screen, it is why we wrestle other guys, hand bump, and “noogie” our sons. Physicality is an extension of our emotions. Check out this poll on sex in marriage that my brother, E. Payne, recently conducted.
It is no different in the bedroom. The act of love making is an intimate connection to the soul of the woman God has blessed us with. It was intended for man and woman to share this intimacy in this very connected way. I am using the word “connected” in a very deliberate manner. This connection is obviously physical, but, when it is done right, there is a connection of heart and soul.
The absence of intimacy creates another set of issues entirely. According to some religions, the cessation of sexual relations in a marriage is the functional termination of that marriage. Did you catch that, friends? The termination of your marriage. Wow, that’s so deep that I need to pause for a moment…
Okay, I’m back. With the exception of being unable to be sexual with your spouse due to physical limitations, it is unnatural for a married couple to not be intimate with each other. Unfortunately, when intimacy is witheld in the marriage union, it is possible that sexual fulfillment will be sought outside of the home. Not cool. Marriages cease to be the celebration of life and love that they were created to be. They become traps and dens of deceptions. The smallest molehill of problems become as large as mountains when there is no intimacy in a marriage. People who withhold intimacy and wear it as a badge of honor need to man up. It’s time for healing. Sexual healing. Now stop reading and give your spouse a call. Peace.
March 9, 2009
Mr. Man has a question for R&B singer Chris Brown…
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND?!?!?
Since when did Chris Brown become a thug? Is he hanging out with Suge Knight these days? I have to tell you, this story is incredulous to me. I don’t pretend to know much about Chris Brown or Rihanna (I couldn’t name a single song that either of them produced). I remember seeing him on the Grammys a year or two ago. I thought he was a talented performer with Michael Jackson-esque moves and boyish good looks. He was doing some really cool dance moves on dinner tables at the Grammys, American Music Awards, or whatever.
Why did this pretty boy think that it was okay to punch this woman in the face? Repeatedly?
Men who beat up women are cowards and losers. Period. Chris Brown is no exception. By his own account, he watched his stepfater abuse his mother. Brown says that “he hates him to this day” for the abuse his mother had to endure. Yet, he does this to another man’s daughter? Def Jam President and rapper Jay-Z is reported to have said, “Chris Brown had better watch his back. He’s messed with the wrong crew.” If I were Chris, the LAPD would be the last thing on my mind.
There are very few things in this life that would make me resort to physical violence and someone kicking the crap out of my sweet little girl ranks pretty high on that list. I’m kind of an eye for an eye kind of guy. Jail time would be to easy for this crime. This is a family-oriented blog, so I will refrain from mentioning what I think his punishment should be.
Despite all of this, there is a possibility that he will not receive any jail time. He and Rihanna have since reconciled (why?). In fact I heard on the radio that they even exchanged vows. Not wedding vows, but the words went something like this:
“Chris- Do you promise to take this woman…to love and to cherish until another of your sexual conquests sends you a text message? Which she reads and gets angry with you…at which point, you get ticked off and decide to get your Billy Blanks’ Tae Bo workout on by using her as a punching bag? At which point, you cool off and apologize and beg her to forgive you. Which she does. Until she does something else that ticks you off and you try to play “Ultimate Fighting Championship” with her face? Again?”
Nearly 1.5 million women are abused each year according to the Support Network of Battered Women. 1.5 million wives, daughters, and mothers. Not cool at all.
Chris, I won’t even tell you to man up because I’m not sure that you know how.
Question: Rihanna reconciled with Chris Brown after this incident. What makes some people return to abusive relationships?
March 4, 2009
Like many people, I have been keeping up with the news story about the two NFL players, Marquis Cooper of the Oakland Raiders and Corey Smith of the Detroit Lions and two of their friends who have been missing since last week. There was a lone survivor, found atop their 24-foot capsized fishing boat holding on for his life. This young man, Nick Schuyler, was rescued by the Coast Guard on Monday. The search for the remaining three men was suspended at sunset on Tuesday. This morning I was reading parts of Nick’s account. Some question his account due to his condition and he may be delusional so soon after the ordeal. His story made my heart sink because it was said that two of the men “just gave up”.
Paraphrasing, Schuyler desribed a scene that started off as a beautiful day for deep sea fishing with some friends to a fiery turn in the weather with powerful gusts of wind and high tidal waves that eventually overturned the boat. None of the men were wearing life jackets at the time. One of the men repeatedly swam under the boat to retrieve life vests and bottled water. All four of the men clung onto the hull of the fishing boat.
After “two to four hours”, hypothermia began to set in the men from the icy waters. Hypothermia sets in when the environment surrounding the human body becomes so frigid that it negates the body’s ability to generate heat. This condition also causes a gradual loss of mental and physical and mental abilities. According to the story, one of the NFL players took off his life vest and let himself drift out to sea. A few hours after this, the second NFL player did the same. Schuyler and the fourth man (Will Bleakley) hung onto the vessel until early Monday morning when Bleakley thought he saw a light in the distance. He decided to swim for help. A life jacket and a cooler was found 16 miles away. Schuyler held on until he was rescued later that same day.
Although it is impossible to know for sure, it is possible to conclude that Cooper and Smith felt a sense of hopelessness and dispair. Maybe they began to believe that they would never be rescued. It has been suggested by others that these two men simply lost the will to live.
Then there was Bleakley. He was the young man who repeated swam underneath the capsized boat for life vests and bottled water. He was also the one who decided to swim in treacherous waters for help rather than remain with the boat that was found by rescuers hours later.
Lastly, there is Nick Schuyler. The one who chose to stayed with the boat and was rescued.
No one knows what goes through the hearts of men when confronted with the very real probability of death. I don’t dare to guess. Some may choose to believe that Cooper and Smith chose to take the easy way out by simply removing their life vests. Some may think that Bleakley was foolish for choosing to swim for help. Others may believe that Nick Schuyler simply got lucky. I choose to think each of these men manned up in his own way.
February 18, 2009
Image courtesy of: www.parlourmagazine.com
Q: Dear Mr. Man,
What is going on with Roland Burris (D), the junior senator from Illinois?
A: As most people are aware, Roland Burris is the U.S. Senator from Illinois appointed to replace Barack Obama by the embattled former governor, Rod Blagojevich. He was initially denied entry to the most exclusive club on earth, the U.S. Senate. After much embarrassment, the Senate leaders realized that they did not have a leg to stand on to deny Burris a seat and he was sworn in nine days later. Now he admits that he tried to raise money for Blago even though he was in contention for the vacant senate seat.
In case you were vacationing on Mars or just out of the loop, you can get full details of the story by doing a Google search on”Rod Blagojevich” or “Roland Burris”.
Now, Mr. Man has one question for Mr. Burris…
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND!?!?!?
Senator Sellout, were you not aware of why Blago was in trouble? What news channel were you watching? In case you didn’t know, HE WAS REMOVED FROM OFFICE FOR ATTEMPTING TO SELL A SENATE SEAT!!!
The one you now occupy…
So now that you are a U.S. Senator, you would embarrass your state even further by coming forward and saying that you were asked to raise money for the governor, you tried, and was unsuccessful. And you wonder why people want to resign. Don’t you think that you should have disclosed this BEFORE you took office?
Oh, yeah. You didn’t disclose this because nobody asked you. Did anyone really have to ask you?
When will politicians begin to put this country first instead of themselves? How much longer must the American people be embarrassed before the world by the very people who are supposed to be serving US?
Roland Burris is a great example when the power to choose our representation is not in the hands of the American people (in this case, the citizens of the state of Illinois). Blago created this appointment out of spite and Burris let his selfish ambition get ahead of what is best for the good people of Illinois.
Senator Sellout, How much did the seat really cost?
February 15, 2009
Q: Dear Mr. Man,
Why did you start a blog?
A: I have long been searching for an outlet in which I could return to writing after a long separation. Sure, I wrote a ton during my college years as well as during my graduate studies. Unfortunately I discovered the more I wrote professionally and academically, the less I was writing creatively. So I started this blog as a way for me to give my take on a variety of topics that impact the world we live in. Topics such as politics, faith, family, and real manhood are some of the subjects you can expect to see in this blog. However, I hope that you (the audience) will be active participants in shaping the direction and tone of the conversations.
My opinions are just that…Mine. They are not right or wrong, but I stand behind them. I hope to read your opinions in this blog as we move forward together on this journey.